Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Bailout Will the Baker

Let's make up a story. I recently read that keeping your mind active and thinking is a great way to decrease your risk of Alzheimer's, so maybe this will help give us a head start.

Let's pretend I open a bakery called Will's Bakery (what a nice ring) and I sell cookies, cakes, muffins and all kinds of goodies. For all intensive purposes let's pretend I open up my first bakery in North Adams and I'm the only baker in town. Well all these North Adams people start buying my baked goods for a while and it doesn't take them long to realize... Will's a horrible baker. His cookies taste like baking soda, his muffins are stale and his cakes are dryer than a bad case of eczema. Unfortunately for the people of North Adams, my atrocious bakery is the only one in town and all these families need to blow out their birthday candles on something. So I make a little money.

Now I'm feeling loved since I'm still making a buck so I expand my business and open up shops in all sorts of cities and towns throughout New England. Sadly it doesn't take long for people to figure out that my baking skills are non-existent so I start losing business. Over the course of a few months of bad business, I'm nearing bankruptcy. Bummer.. I really thought I had a chance of making the baking big time. And then it hit me. I can still keep my bakery alive if I walk door to door asking strangers for money. Talk about the power of thinking big!

So let's now pretend I'm walking to your door and we're total strangers. I explain to you my business is failing and I need... I dunno... let's estimate 25 billion dollars over the next five months to sustain it. I then, with little pressure, explain that you won't have to pay for it on your own... you can share the load with all the other people I can rally to my cause. And we'll even have payment plans so that you only have to donate a little bit of your paycheck at a time. Wait a minute Will... you're getting ahead of yourself. No one wants to eat your shitty cupcakes in the first place... why would anyone be willing to give you money to make more? I guess they wouldn't.

Okay let's end this chapter of the story because it sucks. If GM, Ford, and Chrysler can't make cars people want to buy and their business is failing, why is it the responsibility of people who pay taxes to keep it afloat? Isn't our economy supposed to be in a bad state? Why is surrendering even more of the little money we have to a terminally ill business a good investment? Surely when those companies go under, they'll be replaced. There's gotta be a better baker out there than Will Cimino. Let's save 25 billion dollars and meet him sooner than later.

6 comments:

Alicia said...

I agree 100 percent, Will. I don't understand why we're even playing with the IDEA of bailing out these auto companies.

They're saying that if we don't, millions of dollars and tons of jobs will be lost, sending this country possibly into a recession, but honestly, I think they're just angling for cash. Seriously - no sarcasm here!

Also, I can't get the picture of you in a white poofy hat with flour all over your face out of my head. ... Mmm, that's an image almost as delicious as some of Will's Famous Eczema Cake!

MOM said...

Will 'the dough-boy' Cimino...you make it all sound so simple. This stuff is way beyond me because frankly I don't understand and so far it doesn't affect me. I know that is terrible but I would like to hear an opposing view in as simple a form as you presented it. AND... I actually have a Master's degree so if I don't get it plenty of others don't either.

Will said...

I wouldn't claim to be a master on the issue either, but I really think it *is* that simple if you look at it fundamentally. When you compare a big historic company like Ford to a small time Bakery, on the smaller level, it makes absolutely no sense to help the failing bakery. But when you make it sound scarier by making Ford seem like a giant, people feel pressure to accept bailing them out.

The only REAL difference is the political double talk and lawyers and people trying to take advantage of people with money.

Plus if Japanese car companies are making better cars that people clearly prefer. (Even Toyota's trucks are starting to outsell American trucks year after year as time goes on) Isn't it just time to embrace the better technology? Until we can make better cars, I'll swallow my American pride for the sake of advancing.


All the while, I think we all know that I only believe all of this because I work in a Mitsubishi dealership. Come on down and buy yours today!!!

Anonymous said...

sl sl sl sl ... ahh will your killin me! Anyways, why don't the American car makers just start making better cars?I mean if the Japanese are doing it, why can't we? Maybe they have learned their lesson and will start stealin some of the smart people's ideas over in Japan.. that way we give them money so they can start fresh and all is well...

ps: I love sushi!
-Jackie

angela said...

i've come to realize that asians are the smartest and most "with it" race. jon & kate plus 8 for life.

MOM said...

Ha! They have 8 kids.. how smart is that?

Buntologically Informed