Aftermath: Gustav? Eh, probably not so bad! by Will

Rusty Shakelferd is en route to New Orleans where classes at Tulane University will resume on Monday.

Thank you Rusty for your faithful reporting and contributions to Buntology.
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Now that Hurricane Gustav has just about completed its rape of Louisiana and some of her neighboring states, I can't help but stop and think that I really wouldn't mind being in the shoes of those Southerners. Don't get me wrong, I understand the drawbacks. Last I heard, seven people had been killed during the storm, but compare seven to the thousands of injuries and deaths related to household plants every year. (To all those people who are dropping your jaws in disgust right now, I'm not trying to make light of the deaths caused by the hurricane, merely shedding light onto another big issue: household plant injuries/fatalities). Selfish.

The truth is that from any major tragedy or trauma comes an element of excitement that is normally hidden. For every church that prayed for these people in the middle of the hurricane, there had to be one or two people thinking in the back of their minds, "This.. is.. AWESOME!"

Maybe I'm just one of those people. Because whenever I think of the hurricane, I think of "28 Days Later." I'm imagining it like the opening of a movie trailer. The calm before the storm. I'd be sitting barefoot on my front porch in overalls with a piece of straw in my mouth (just like all Southerners do) looking up at the grey sky with thunder crashing in the distance. I'd be sitting next to my wife (probably named Helen or Louise) and we'd make eye contact for a second, emotionless, no words spoken until Don LaFontaine (R.I.P!) came in with his booming voice-over: "In a world where there's no escape..." followed immediately by a thunder crash and lots of cut scenes of me running through the rain with a shotgun and barricading my neighbors' doors. The only difference between Hurricane Gustav and "28 Days Later" are the Zombies.

Apparently more than half a million houses lost power, and they said it could take up to two weeks to get it back. There were also 8 p.m. police-enforced curfews instated in many of those areas. This is even more exciting. I wouldn't be like everyone else in that situation, sitting at home in a dim, candle-lit room playing Mouse Trap with my family. I'd be running through the rain, going house to house barricading doors and exchanging stories, dodging the curfew police. What would I be doing at 8 p.m. with the power on? Probably playing a violent video game in which I'm running through the rain, going house to house barricading doors, dodging the curfew police. Hurricane Gustav lets you LIVE your fantasies! ... ... that one's too easy. I'll let you insert your own filth here.

The reality of it all, on second thought, is that without power for two weeks I'd probably get really bored after the first night. And no power means no Internet, which means no ability to read buntology. And living in Louisiana means I probably wouldn't want to meet my neighbors anyway. Hurricane Gustav sucks.

Gustav Update - pt. 2

ATLANTA - Gustav has been downgraded to a category one. New Orleans is still getting its salad tossed by Mother Nature but there is minimal damage thus far.

Good night and God's speed.

Rusty Shakelferd

Over and out.

Summer of love comes to an end

Saturday marked the final night of summer vacation, also known as the Summer of Love. It was bittersweet -- after a long summer of adventure in this one-horse town, we're all ready to move on to the next phase - Westfield. Wait a moment .. I don't go to Westfield. O god. I go to MCLA. Which means that while my sisters escape North Adams and get to party it out with all these people in Whip City, I'll be here, nose to the grindstone with my day job and my school. Thank god MCLA is so easy.

Angela, Jackie and I first went out to the towniest townie bar, the Pitcher's Mound. It's where we brought all the visitors we had all summer. But Saturday, it was just us Berkshire County kids. Emma and Steve joined us. At the Mound, we ran into lots of MCLA kids back in town. People who choose to go to MCLA fall into two categories: Artsy theater people with gauzy skirts and green hair and a modicum of talent and .. dumb people. And townies who work at their hometown newspaper.

Uh, where was I? Right. We were pluggin' like crazy. We passed out our "card" to tons of people, and even took some fan shots. We found some guys dressed up in costumes, and Angela brazenly asked if she could shoot some pics. We also took a photo of Erin Millard, who we've known for years, and her really great dress.
We next went to Key West, which is this really classy joint: valet parking, velvet rope, candelabras and Courvossier. Luckily, we Bunt girls are pretty well-known, so we were quickly ushered into the VIP area and greeted with jello shots. We continued to plug buntology.com like it was our job.

Oh, wait ...

Bottom line, we had some fun, and we wish you could have been there.

Teachers and guns by Rochelle

I was ready to go off on this whole thing that is happening in Harrold, Texas with teachers being allowed to carry guns in the classroom. I mean, my brain was about to explode with all the scenarios playing out. As a former middle school teacher there have been times I would have liked to smack a kid upside the head but truly don't think I ever wanted to actually shoot one of them (OK, maybe just one but that was when I was a sub). Now the students' parents? Different story...

Seriously, I've been lucky. I know teachers that have been threatened and it is VERY SCARY. The thing is, this Texas thing is not about teachers needing to protect themselves from violent students. It is about a tiny school, in a tiny town, in the middle of nowhere. It's located on a highway which gives access to lunatics driving by. Police are 30 miles away which means they can't get to the school quickly. Apparently, the district is trying to use the teachers to protect the students (and themselves, natch) against outside intruders.

Oh, my fav quote:

"When the federal government started making schools gun-free zones, that's when all of these shootings started. Why would you put it out there that a group of people can't defend themselves? That's like saying 'sic 'em' to a dog," Superintendent Thweatt said in Friday's online edition of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

So in theory protection is good, but let's face it: teachers with guns is a Lifetime movie waiting to happen. Not to generalize, although that is exactly what I am doing, but doesn't everyone in Texas carry a gun already? So maybe with that particular school it will be OK. Try that up here in Mass. or N.Y. I give it a week before some kid has gotten some "cool" teacher's gun and either sold it, traded it, used it in a video for YouTube, used it to rob a liquor store (and gotten caught), or shot himself or his friend "accidentally." We are just not gun savvy here. Exception for those who hunt and actually have a clue about guns (shout out to Wendy, Danielle, and Shawn).

One more thing. I know outside intruders is a real thing, but aren't a lot of these school shootings the result of mentally unstable students who were abused and bullied to the point of a break down? How 'bout we just don't treat people badly enough so that they want to kill everyone?

*For some chuckles read the comments posted to the Fort Worth Star-Telegram article.

**To read previous "Mom & Dad" posts, click here.

Ailment options by Jackie

Here at Buntology I think that it is important to keep all readers up to date on not only current events but also the current health conditions of each bunt member.

I have been sick on and off for the last year. I am on all crazy medicines, one which lowers the immune system. So now I get weird illnesses all the time. Last week I was breaking out into weird itchy rashes all over my body. This week I have developed a strange mushy swollen lymph node gland thing, or whatever you want to call it. It is tender to the touch and pops out.

The doctors are baffled! Well not really, they just said it was nothing and would go away in a week, but I don't have much faith in the doctors around these parts. So I have come up with a few different possibilities:

a. Leukemia

b. there is a alien baby thing growing out of my neck

c. a penis is growing on my neck ( it kinda feels and looks like a testicle)

d. AIDS

So I will be returning to school with no answers. It will either go away or I will have to start paying double for housing once the penis and/or baby starts walking and talking.